Peyton Manning Wishes Friedrich Hayek Was NFL Commish

It’s rare that a written piece is so cogent and yet different that it causes me to involuntarily smile. I don’t know why I do it, but when I’m confronted with an absolutely elegant strain of thinking, I’m like a little kid learning how something works: giggles abound.

Peep this awesome article from Slate.

The author muses over alternatives to the coin flip to determine possession at the beginning of overtime in the NFL. Right now, it’s a capricious system. It’s literally determined by random chance. In the first round of the playoffs this year, San Diego won the coin toss, received the ball, and promptly went down the field, scored, and left. Their opponent, Indianapolis, was left there, mouth agape, looking like Ryan Seacrest speechless during the American Idol auditions.

There must be a better way.

Well, whadya know it, when you treat it like a market and allow for auctioning, you get a more competitive and more entertaining arrangement!

An even more elegant solution to the overtime problem was proposed in 2002 by Chris Quanbeck, an electrical engineer (and Green Bay Packers fan). Quanbeck's idea was to auction off possession of the ball in the natural currency of the game: field position. The team that was willing to begin closest to its own goal line would receive the privilege of possession.

How cool would that be?

I hope you said “very cool”, because that’s the correct answer.

All joking pseudoconversations aside, I think it’s a nice little illustration of a basic capitalist principle: when you establish an open and free arena with known rules, individuals will be better allocators of scarce resources than third parties.

Wow, two sports posts in one day.

Greatest Friend, Worst Enemy

Sweet Jebus, this man is tough as nails. Really, really, tough nails.

HT: Ricks and Yon*

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*Good name for a folkish pop band.

Someone At State Dept. Is Inhuman

For being the “Party For The Poor” and enjoying the props of 96% of black voters, Obama and the Dems really stabbed about 96% of the world’s poor black people in the back this week by replacing Dr. Mark Dybul at the PEPFAR position.

Dybul is almost single-handedly responsible for driving GWB’s only consistent success through his two terms: AIDS relief to Africa.

Note that the repressive theocrat Bush apparently missed that Dybul was an openly gay Democrat. I mean, if GWB’d known, he’d have called James Dobson and Tim LaHaye for advice, gone to pray with Rick Warren, then fired Dybul. Right?

Anyway, Dybul put millions of Africans on AIDS medication, distributed billions of condoms, and supported religious-based sex education from the non-profits and churches in Africa. He ran the group that allowed nearly a quarter of a million children to be born HIV-free. He helped prevent transmission of HIV from mother-to-fetus in 16 million more.

There’s the problem. What, you missed it?

HOW COULD YOU MISS “RELIGIOUS”?!! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT MEANS DYBUL WAS OKAY WITH ABSTINENCE EDUCATION!!1! HE’S A THEOCRAT!*

But what about all the con--

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY BODY, CHRISTIANIST!

Don’t you think that abstinence makes a little bit of sen--

I MEAN IT!! DON’T TREAD ON MY RIGHTS!

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*Best if read in an angry female-version of Loud Howard.

Early Morning Thoughts of a Sports Junkie

Last night was awesome.

Every day, nba.com has the “Daily Leaders” for each statistical category for the games the night before.

This morning, Kevin Durant was the leader for points (35), David Lee the leader for rebounds (16), and Jose Calderon was the leader for assists (11).

All three are on my fantasy team.

An Introduction

World, meet Dhani.

Dhani, World.

If I had Tivo, this would be the only thing on it.

This, and Weeds.

This, Weeds, and 30 Rock.

Let me start over: If I had a Tivo, it would have Weeds, 30 Rock, South Park, and Dhani Tackles The World on it.

Also:Is this, possibly, the greatest gift from UM to the world ever?

Throwdown: God vs. Flying Spaghetti Monster

Allow me to make amends and post some photos:

For the benighted and huddled masses, from L to R we have: Christopher Hitchens, Atheist Extraordinaire; Dan Caplis, Moderator, and, umm, Radio Host Ordinaire?; and Dinesh D’Souza, Catholic-Con Ninja.

Kevin Jones at Philokalia Republic has an extensive and thoughtfully-critiqued recount of the debate here. He obviously comes from the Catholic side, but he’s got some good classical philosophy points in there.

My thoughts? Well, I’m a sucker for zing-worthy rhetoric, so that (in car salesman speak) prequalifies me for head of the Hitchens Fan Club- Boulder Diaspora.

That does not mean I thought the Brit the winner. I don’t think there was one. I feel strongly that it’s impossible to argue someone in to or out of a religious faith. The mind often hears what it wants, and no more so than in the case of transcendent or spiritual affairs. So even if you have a devastatingly clever point or theory, one that I might even concede as correct, the actual act of faith, doubt, or agnosticism is unreachable to that freshly-spanked-eager-to-change intellect. One can never predict what is the word, act, or image that finally sends himself to or away from a religion.

That being said, D’Souza had some good points as well. The only quibble I had with either person, however, was with D’Souza. In his closing remarks, he made the accusation to Hitchens (and by proxy to all nonbelievers) that he clung to atheism, not out of his need for evidence, but because the atheist is fundamentally uncomfortable with the prospect of a judging God. In other words, atheists claim “there is no God” because they don’t want Jehovah/Allah/Yahweh/Vishnu cramping their style.

That’s a pretty harsh and condescending tone for D’Souza to take, IMO, and I don’t think that broad attacks on what amount to individuals’ own thoughts suit either side. A little more moral empathy and humility would have become Mr. D’Souza, especially considering the camp he was charged to defend.

Besides that line, I greatly enjoyed the entire 3 hours. One of the perks of livin’ in a college town…

P.S. I did, true to my word, ask if Hitch or D-Sooz were interested in continuing the debate afterwards over a few pints. Hitchens responded that he’d most definitely be in a bar after the debate, but he later told me that he’d be heading back to Denver that night. No dice.

So close…

My Hero Comes To Town

I’m off to see My Boy face off against Dinesh D’Souza in a debate titled “What’s So Great About God? Atheism vs. Religion” here in Boulder.

Hopefully I’ll have pictures/video and notes from the event to relay on. I’m also going to, in all seriousness, try and invite Hitch to join my team for our weekly Pub Quiz at Conor O’Neil’s tonight. He’s smart, he likes to drink: he’s perfect for our team. (Team name: Scooty Puff, Jr.!)

More on the Oscar Grant murder

It looks like a second officer is being investigated by the District Attorney for “allegedly using excessive force”.

My guess, to start off, is that Mehserle (the officer who has been charged with second-degree murder for shooting a restrained man in the back) will face the brunt of the legal punishment, and this second unnamed officer will plead to lesser charges (that allow him to stay on the force) in exchange for testimony in Mehserle’s trial. That’ll probably mean that this jerk gets to keep his job on the force. Naturally.

I can’t help shaking the feeling that everyone involved would have been off the hook for any problems if Grant had just had an ounce of weed in his pocket. We all know how that would’ve been spun: Officer Forced to Shoot Drug Dealer. Does it matter that he was being held down by another officer? No, because drug dealers deserve it.

My right eye’s already twitching. Not a good way to start my week.

Drug War Debate

You won’t find a better anti-Drug War warrior than Radley Balko. To wit, peep this article at Culture11. It’s cogent, level-headed, and devastating.

Furthermore, the emptiness of the opposing side’s position is evinced by the really shabby retort from David Freddoso. I think David’s a good writer, and I’ve enjoyed his stuff on The Corner, but the piece is terrible. It’s not his fault: he’s got nothing to work with.

Obaman-Canadian-Hip-Hop, The Mixtape

I’m pretty proud I’m on the ground floor for this guy:

That’s just awesome. It’s almost Darrell Hammond in it’s perfection. It also reminds me how much President Obama sounds like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in his wrestling days.

One more for the road:

The man deserves all the recognition he can get. All’s I got at the moment, however, is a YouTube profile. Feraztheman, give us more info, so we can gets about hypin’ your stuff.

In the spirit of these heady times, allow me, a hip-hop lover, a modest dream of my own: this man and our president on the same stage, rockin’ Pass The Breaks.

On the other hand, if I could trust the President to have a solid flow, I’d vote for Get the Bozack. The leader of the free world sayin’

“I come correct with the context, and then next
then flex and throw a hex on your whole complex”

would cause your fearless correspondent to lose his mind.

(HT: Joey at Straight Bangin’, yet again for keepin’ an ear on the ground for his readers.)

Trust Us, Though, We’ll Get The Budget Right

Through Megan McCardle’s post, I clicked through to the Office of Management and Budget’s new site. What did I spy, however?

Aaand, zooming in:

Good grief, we’re hours in to one of the most highly anticipated political transitions in U.S. history, and the president’s first name is mistyped? I know the kinks will be de-kinked out, but it doesn’t inspire confidence.

But we can surely trust these guys with a nearly half-trillion dollar deficit, right?

I Love Ya Wolfie, But Let Anderson Do The Talking

Wolf Blitzer is really screwing it up today on the inauguration stuff. He's had at least 12 screw ups in the last 45 minutes, including, with the president and the president-elect on screen, identifying them as "President Bush and Joe Biden." Yikes. This probably means that he's just really terrible at live, improvisational hosting.

But still.

MLK Jr.: Moral Clarity On Marching

I don’t know if it’s a product of my education or my own anti-statist bent, but I’ve often had sympathetic positions with marchers – the placard-holding chanting types. Why? I don’t know for sure. If I could pin it down, however, my guess would be that, since I so dearly cherish the freedom of thought and freedom of expression, I subsequently think warmly of nearly all people who use those freedoms for the pursuit of their goals (uggh, too many “-ly” adverbs in that sentence). Incidentally, I find myself also agreeing with many of the positions taken by protestors and marchers.

Some examples might help:

If you were on the right side of the civil rights debate in the 50’s and 60’s you would be in agreement with the MLK marchers and sit-in protests. If in the early 20th century you felt that women should have the right to vote, you would be marching with the suffragettes. I also can sympathize with the unionizers who faced brutal work conditions and ruthless police-corporate collusion in turn of the last century. Today, a position I find much to agree with is the pro-life movement, and, natch, their side of the debate overwhelmingly has the most rallies and marches.

But there’s another side to all this, at least for me, that needs to be evaluated. I think that on today, a day set aside to celebrate a man who led many marches and protests himself, we should separate wheat from chaff: remember the courage of those in the right, yet also remind ourselves not all marches and protests are done with the ideas of liberty in mind. It might sound like a dumb Profound Statement, especially for those of you who have nothing but scorn for the anti-WTO and convention-protesting types, but I think more inspection of the kinds of protests will promote a clarity that is much needed in our current political environment.

Another illustrative historical example:

In The Battle of Cable Street, thousands of British Fascists, inspired by their pogromming German counterparts, planned a march through the Jewish neighborhoods of London’s East End. What they would do there, no one could say for sure, but it wasn’t too much of a stretch to imagine that there would be intimidation and possible violence against the Jewish inhabitants.

Their march, one of oppression and ethnic bigotry, while popular with some in government, was not without it’s opponents. Irish workers, Communists, and the Jews themselves all stood at the edge of the neighborhoods and refused to let the blackshirts march through. There was a confrontation, but in the end the barricade stood and the fascists were turned away.

(Of course, no conflict between groups can be complete without some broken skulls and mass arrests, brought to you by The State! Now with Extra-Brutal Crowd Control!)

In its retelling, the Battle has taken on a more triumphant tone. What I find worth remembering, however, is that there were thousands of Britons who were willing to march in the streets, in uniform, in support of anti-Semitism. I ask myself: what kind of society allows this to grow to such a level? Why wasn’t anyone against these bastards in the formative years of the British Union of Fascists? I think I’ve found the answer, however: one not very different from our own.

It seems that in the past few weeks we are seeing the resurrection of these blackshirts, and again they are being met with a milquetoast response. The battle between Israel and Gaza seems occasion enough for anti-Semitism to be allowed a place at the table.

Vandals hurled Molotov cocktails at a synagogue in a Paris suburb…

Three other synagogues have been firebombed in the past two weeks…

vandals have sprayed anti-Israeli graffiti on at least two other Jewish places of worship…

"Death to Israel," "Long live Palestine" and "F--k France" scrawled on synagogue wall…

Swastika and ZOG (for Zionist Occupation Government) painted near door of synagogue…

Windows broken, cross sprayed on wall…

During pro-Palestinian march, 200 youths try to march on synagogue…

A car is set on fire in synagogue parking lot…

And that’s just in France.

Look at this photobook from Australia. In it you’ll see marchers carrying Hezbollah and Hamas flags,you’ll see kids holding signs saying that the Jews didn’t learn their lessons from the Nazis well enough the first time (HT: Instapundit). When faced with this, many in the “liberal tradition” from the West choose yet again to merely bend over and let these anti-Semites do whatever they please.

In the past, hate-groups like the KKK were opposed by many people: black, Christian, Jewish, white, Democrats and Republican -- all organized under the principle of anti-racism. Yet where are those today who would unify under an “anti anti-Semitism” banner? Why was it right to protest the “cultural expression” of white supremacists yet wrong to fight against the “cultural expression” of anti-Semitic Arabs?

Let’s use this day of celebration of Dr. King to hone our moral sense, make it sharp enough to impel us to stand up and say “No Pasaran!” to bigotry on all sides*. To do less is to do wrong by the legacy of a great man.

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*Yes, I recognize that there is anti-Arab bigotry amongst Jews as well. This is no moral equivocating, however: only one side in this debate teaches their children that a) the other side are pigs and b) the murder of said pigs is pleasing to God. And that side sure isn’t the one going to synagogue on Saturday.

Good Analysis on Oscar Grant’s Killer

Radley Balko offers up some more level-headed advice on the Oscar Grant Story. It’s good stuff, and it’s coming from a guy who is indefatigable in his research on cop brutality, especially when it comes to Drug War related stuff.

I know that my emotions run too high when I talk about the details of the events, so it’s best that I just try and let others do the analyzing.

My Addiction, My Downfall: NPR

A vision:

After hearing the 1,047th report* about the southern Montana lesbian tofu rancher’s hope for the future (brought about by President Obama), I will quietly turn off my public radio. I’ll rev the 6 cylinders of my Subaru Forester (28 mpg on the highway!) With a clear eye, I’ll stare down the hill, down that dark mountain road. The quiet of ten thousand trees will lean upon me. I know where the road goes: straight off a cliff.

As the trees move by, the roar, or rather chuckle, of my import car’s engine comes up past my depressed gas pedal, up to my addled brain, I steel myself for the silence, that terrible silence that comes after I blast through the guard rail and soar thousands of feet down to the river below. As I accelerate towards my demise, however, I’ll realize:

Snowden, you don’t have to die.

I’ll realize that just because NPR personalities and NPR fans act like they are the only thoughtful and informed people left in this theocratic lynch mob of a nation (“Gawd, Claire, only in America does something like Prop. 8 get passed. And that’s in California! Susan Sarandon and Martin Sheen live there! Pass the pinot grigio, would you, dear? At least we have our raw foods to keep us company here in Chapel Hill!”) doesn’t mean they actually are thoughtful and informed.

Snowden, I’ll tell myself, there are millions of people out there who aren’t insufferable! There are people out there who aren’t merely enjoying the smell of their own farts and telling each other “Good For You!” Go find them! They’re just waiting for you, waiting to talk about current events without injecting their own awesomeness into every part of the conversation!

Faced with prospect of a brighter future, my foot’ll ease off the pedal. I’ll loosen my grip on the steering wheel. More sufferable days are on their way, I’ll tell myself.

But bad habits die hard. Without even thinking, my hand will wander to the radio, turn it on, and the damage is done:

…“Now we hear from NPR Senior Correspondent, Daniel Schorr, who has the next installation in his ongoing series "An Old Eye For a New World”, titled “Black Levied: How George W. Bush Tried To Kill All Black People in New Orleans With The Help Of His Friend And Heretofore Unknown Mentor Rep. Joseph McCarthy.” Daniel?…

AAARGH!!

My Subaru chuckles louder. The void, the blissfully NPR-free void awaits.

FIN.

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*It might be the 1046th. I can’t be sure.

A Small Step of Lifehacking for Snowden…

I’ve made the switch, for publishing purposes, to Windows Live Writer for all my submissions. It won’t mean anything for the appearance of the blog (or at least shouldn’t), but it hopefully will allow me to post even faster and with greater quality.

Trials and Tribulations of Free Speech

So this story about the new EU sculpture is making its way around the American news spheres. My thoughts are as follows:

1. Only a Czech would do this. And it's the primary reason why they're the only country in Europe that still holds my interest and my respect.
2. This controversy does shed light on the un-nuanced, brutish world of the hyper-sensitive "tolerance" movement. Several of sculptures are, to put it simply, open to interpretation. The German piece is clearly overridden with the Autobahn, but some claim to additionally see a hidden swastika in the street pattern. I looked at the Spanish one and saw a cement mixer and a country dominated by construction. Some ever-eager victims-to-be. however, saw a Basque separtist bomb and a destroyed building wall. So, rather than allow each person to experience the art for him/herself, the expression police simply "declare" the art to be the most offensive possibility and demand its repression.
   
3. A not insignificant part of what defines (or at least has defined) the West is the ability for this kind of subversive art to be prominently exhibited. When's the last time you saw a Chinese artist lampooning the Politburo's uptight image in a large mural on the side of a Beijing building? Or how about that renowned Yemeni Dadaist performance art culture? The Belarussian anarchist punk rock movement? Nothing?

The point is, if the art comes down because bureaucrats kvetch everyone else into submission, the West will lose part of its identity.

It's also worth noting that the two groups who are telling people to "sit down, stop 'abusing' your freedoms, and listen to us" are: EU thought police, and radical Islam.

The second part of this post is also free-speech related. Let me first disclaim myself by saying that I think the following video is sophomoric, that I have wonderful friends who are followers of Islam, and that I am now and always have been a strong advocate for teddy bears' rights. That being said, I also am now and always have been a strong advocate for free speech. The right to offend is far more important the the right to not be offended:



There's already like 5-10 versions of this "Slaying the Prophet Muhammad" on YouTube, and the number will grow. The guys orchestrating it know how to use Digg, Reddit, JimmyR, etc. They'll make their plans known. They're 4chan. They (as much as they can be a "they") like to be scatalogical and disrespectful. Courting controversy's their "bag, baby." 4chan fought Scientology, and 4chan won. They're doofuses. Whatever. Here's the thing: the fact that these men and women can live unmolested in a free society is not only commendable to the entity we call "The West", but it also indirectly benefits the West as well. Changes always come from people outside a certain camp. If you ban the outside, you lose all mobility, all ability to make positive change.

This video would normally blossom into a big controversy, but my guess is that the MSM is too afraid to even air this kind of stuff for fear of reprisals/Danish Cartoons: Part II.

Washington, D.C.: Too Big To Fail?

I'm starting to think that the federal government is taking a page out of Bernie Madoff's playbook: spend money gotten from the Ponzi-scheme known as the U.S. Tax Code like a vory v zakone on vacation in the Thailand, and then when you run out of cash or get caught desperately plea bargain to a lesser sentence.

How else can you explain this?

"The White House announced yesterday that it will grant emergency funding to the District to help with soaring costs for the inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama, while forecasters said snow could add to the day's complications...

...The White House statement said that President Bush "declared an emergency exists in the District of Columbia" linked to the inauguration. It said the city would get federal money for protective measures "undertaken to save lives and protect public health and safety."...

... Yesterday was the first time the emergency declaration had been made in advance of a political event, said Scott Stanzel, a White House spokesman..."

Yup, that's right: a bailout for the politicans' hometown soiree.

There's no way that a fully sensible person would green light this expenditure. The nano-thin string connecting our representatives' brains to the national coffers has finally been severed. The culture of the Beltway has rotted so completely that there is apparently no fiscal restraint. At all.

No cause too small, no bill too large, I guess.

I know this might be crazy, D.C., but have you ever thought of requiring a cover charge? You know, something like a $10 per person fee to get into the city for the day? You don't think people would pay that?

I'm shutting down my computer and having a cocktail, before I write something I regret.

Plank, Meet Speck: Geithner before the Senate

This kind of kabuki theater is one of the most noxious practices in the modern Beltway culture. These senators (some of whom are still in power despite the overwhelming stench of corruption-cologne) get to make a citizen come crawl to them across broken glass, kiss their rings, and "explain" their actions, all so they can claim that they are "representing" the constituencies.

I don't consider myself an Obama supporter*, but requiring a man, any man, to explain why he was lax in prompt payment of a self-employment tax** is repugnant.

How 'bout you explain this, senators:

- Total cost of Tim Geithner's past-due taxes: $34,000.
- Total deficit for the first three months of 2009: $485,000,000,000. (And it's only January 13th!)

If it's an either/or proposition, I'm taking Geithner's "corruption" every time.

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* I'm more of a "Let's Burn Down the Department of Education" supporter.

** When'd we get this tax?! I didn't even know that the state of one's employment was taxeable. Did that get approved in the omnibus bill that authorized a tax on lactose-intolerant carpoolers?

The Bipolar State Department Policy In Israel-Gaza

However you feel about the current fight in Gaza, it's gotta bug you that America is funding both sides.

What? You hadn't heard?

"How is that possible?" you ask. Let me count the ways.

On the Israeli side, I don't have the time or space to list all the ways the U.S. government has supported Israel. Whether it's through military technology sharing, financial aid, or geopolitical backing, America has been one of Israel's best friends. Just Google "American support of Israel to get an amuse bouche. (Link for the Lazy, here)

But the Palestinian side as well?

Yup: we, the American people, ponied up hundreds of millions of dollars in support of the Palestinian refugees, just in 2008?! Through the UN Relief and Works Agency for Palestinian Refugees, the U.S. has piped in millions of dollars into Gaza, the West Bank, Syria, Lebanon, &c. The United States was easily the largest individual contributor to the agency, providing close to a third of the entire budget.

Now, although it may seem like sending money to destitute refugee families is a noble pursuit, there's reason to believe that the generosity can be blamed (in part) for creating the state of perpetual conflict in the region. Allow a brief explanation: The majority of Palestinians have been living lives of extremes: on one hand is perpetual armed conflict with Israel*; on the other hand is a life of subsidy**.

But let's look at the deeper effects from both sides.

What does the subsidy do? It shelters the Palestinians from the abject poverty of their situation.

In a market society, families that are unable to feed the children they have will cease to bring more children into the world***. When there are insufficient resources, a free society will adapt: they'll either find more resources or, over time, create less mouths to feed. Not so in Palestine: even though it's one of the poorest groups in the world (scroll down to the 150's, in between Somalia and Kosovo), Palestinians continue to produce at very high levels (number 27, at over 5 children per woman). And, with the aid of UN-sponsored vaccines and food supplies, the Palestinians aren't a group that, unlike most of Africa, will die off in the usual "acts of God" and man-inspired violence that is tragically too common in poor regions.

And what is the deeper effect from the other half of the Palestinians lives, the perpetual battle with Israel? It raises a generation of boys and girls to only see their neighbors as an uncompromising enemy. It creates a people that can't even conceive of peaceful co-existence with people only 20 miles apart.

The Arab-Israeli conflict is a twisted snarl of emotions, politics, religion, and geography. What doesn't help, however, is the absolutely schizoid personality of America's foreign aid policy. I think it can be said that in this case, the U.S.'s profligate policies hurt people more than help them.
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*terrorist attack, subsequent IDF response, subsequent missile firing...rinse and repeat

**since there are unfathomably high unemployment numbers, the men of Gaza live on foreign aid. Since foreign aid is the only thing available, no one works...rinse and repeat

***yes, I'm aware this is a generality. When you get into demography, however, that's all you can use.

Last one out, turn off the lights.

There's something poetic about this line in a report from the Detroit auto show.

By mid-morning, an estimated 5,000 journalists stood 10-deep to watch General Motors Corp. vehicles sashay down a fashion-show runway. Along the sidelines, 600 GM employees, retirees, and suppliers yielded signs and yelled cheers to support the company.

Employees, retirees, and suppliers. That's about all who's left in GM's corner.

Midwestern Western Bar Brawl

So, at the greatest university EVAR, the Snow-mageddon happened this weekend.

On the occasion of the first sizeable snowfall in dear Ann Arbor town, the campus traditions dictate that two of the biggest dorms at UM, South Quad and West Quad (and which are conveniently located across the street from each other), engage in an honor-duel snowball fight.

I know, you all think “So what? Every college has snowball fights. Boring blog post, Snowden, I’m going back to my Facebook pag—“

Wait! Dear reader, tarry a while longer, there’s more!

There’s a hidden dynamic to the fight (and it is a fight): one of the dorms is the home to many of the freshman (and sometimes sophomore) Division I athletes. The other, mainly the university's "academic stars". So imagine with me one side, armed to the gills with high school All-American football and baseball players, and the other chock full of Science Olympiad captains and intelligent Theater Tech-Crew leaders. Think Detroit Red Wings vs. Park County Pee-Wee Hockey Team. It does not disappoint.

I was reminded of all this because of a thread at MGoBlog. Some highlights:

- "FYI - I took a giant ice-ball in the nuts. F****** baseball players"

- "The football players can get pretty nasty during the South Quad - West Quad snowball fight. In fact, two years ago [starting wide receiver] Greg Mathews shattered my roommate's ankle with a tackle during the fight. Honors kids vs. football players never was quite fair."

- "There was also like 5 fist fights. It reminded me of an old timey western bar brawl."

- "During the snowball fight, my friend got hit in the face... by a pumpkin."

- "The baseball players were fighting dirty towards the end, as the football players, namely Tay Odoms and Kenny Demens, started laying people out. The started throwing rocks and objects like peanut butter jars."

Awesome.

(!!!) I also just found this googling* around:



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*That's right, I'm a googler.

Tales of Age

I've just heard from several sources that the new hotness* in snark phrases is "nuke the fridge".

How did I miss out on this great phrase? I never got to see the original airing of the Happy Times episode, but I was there on opening night for fridge-nuking.

----
*And by "new hotness" I mean "cultural marker that was probably cool about 5 months ago and now already faded from leading wave of the internet. Popular with people who think that lolcats are cutting-edge. Anyone who uses this phrase should just give up on trying to stay relevant."

*Sigh*

I hate growing old.

Oliver, Aidan, Spencer, Finn -- Watch Yer Ass!

I worked in a restaurant that served organic and locally-grown food. To describe the customers at this place as "health-conscious" is like describing John Nash as "numbers conscious". They were obsessed with every part of a recipe, even going so far as to insist upon supplying their own ingredients to the kitchen for their individual dishes (a maneuver that, while assuaging to hypochondriacal customers, is also against every health code in the Union). To summarize, these were some of the most food-aware people in one of the most food-aware towns in the world (Boulder). Most of these people could proudly tell you everything they had consumed in the past 48 hours and add where the food had been grown just so you could know even though it's no big deal no really.

Yet, for all this healthy living, a significant portion of the regular-customer base was diseased. I don't mean this as an insult. I would estimate that nearly 40% of the regulars were self-proclaimed sufferers of celiac disease. This meant that their small intestines, upon contact from gluten (a protein found in all forms of wheat), would practically shut down, flatten their walls out, and prevent absorption of nutrients. All in all, its a serious disease. In many cases, the real sufferers of the disease are forced to eat at home or at the few restaurants in their home town that offer gluten-free menus. In Boulder, however, celiacs have plenty of options, as many (if not most) restaurants have a gluten-free side menu.

Here's where it gets ridiculous. While I guess that nearly 2 in 5 of our customers were "celiacs", the accepted science says that only 1 in 133 people have the disease.

That means that this restaurant was an epicenter of the disease, a renowned center of support for celiacs, a statistical anamoly on the scale of 45x the normal proportion, or simply that the people of Boulder are fools who are desperate to have drama in their otherwise successful, educated, and upper-class lives. I think you can guess which option I (and 90% of the other waiters) thought was the answer.

So, in one of those blissful moments of op-ed column meeting one of my pet peeves, enters Joel Stein's L.A. Times piece. RTWT.

And genes certainly don't cause 25% of parents to believe that their kids have food allergies, when 4% do. Yuppiedom does.

Amen and Awesome.

Stein says most of what I think about food allergies, so I won't clog up your brains with too much more, but I would like to make a final point:

If this subculture of food fear, which we used to think utterly reasonable and practical, is basically a bunch of SoundN'Fury, what other deep fears in our society are, in reality, hollow?

coughcough*BigThreeAutoBankruptcy*cough*IllegalImmigration*coughcough*DrugLegalization*cough

Yikes, sorry 'bout that. Sound like I'm coming on with an allergy...

They Shoot Black People, Don't They?

It's been the talk of my apartment for a few days now, so I'm surprised I haven't at least linked to the story of Oscar Grant, recent victim of murder in Oakland. The cops haven't nabbed the murderer yet, because, you see, he's a cop himself. Who was on duty. And got caught on camera. (Police brutality really starts about 2:30 in, you hear the gunshot at about 3:01, and see the dying Oscar Grant soon after. You were warned: it's ugly.)



Post from Reason's Hit And Run, also with some good comments below. Count me in the group who sympathizes with the rioters. There's no defensible reason why this "peace" officer is still outside a jail cell. What's really happening in this "investigation" by city officials and law enforcement is a CYA-fest. They're trying to determine how to simultaneously placate the angry citizens while abiding by some b.s. police union laws. The police want this man out of jail in only a few years, serving an involuntary manslaughter charge. The people (and a common sense view of justice), however, want this guy locked away for life.

As someone on indybay.org put it (summary): if the roles were turned around, and Oscar Grant and his buddies were pinning a police officer to the ground and killing him with a bullet-to-the-back, those kids would already be sitting on Death Row waitin' for the chair to cool down.

Profiles in Paternalism

Peter Ubel sounds like a nice guy.

But sadly, as the saying goes "Nice Guys Finish Last In Economics Class And Yearn To Boss Every One Around". (that's not the saying you remember? Hm. Oh well. When in Rome...)

Evidenced here.

What’s wrong with free market theory? It doesn’t take into account our human nature.

First of all, I'd love to hear an acceptable definition of "human nature". Ubel brings up the examples of sleeping in instead of exercising and people's long commutes to work. It'd be the height of asininity, however, to suggest that these personal foibles are applicable to every person.

Secondly, free-marketeers are often accused of being reductionist towards individuals, that we reduce the human spirit down to a list of consumptions and habits. As spurious as the charge might be, no one in the free-market camp comes close to this kind of rhetoric:

In this book, I argue that the combination of human nature and free markets can be downright dangerous for our health and well-being. That government must step in and further regulate the markets that reward those who exploit our weaknesses. And, in the end, that good policy must take human nature into account-our rational and irrational sides, our strengths and our weaknesses.

Gee, my fragile little mind is no match for the power of corporations. I can't control myself in the face of all the sexy ads peddled by the fat cats of Madison Avenue. Whatever can I do?



/sarcasm

I give you all that background info on Dr. Ubel just so you can understand why a clearly intelligent man (from the greatest school evar) would write something for HuffPo that is as blinkeringly stupid as this:

In making this statement, Journal editorialists are flaunting their ignorance of human nature. As a physician, I have spent my clinical time caring for patients -- smokers, overeaters, under-exercisers -- who have been harmed by many of the products that these kind of libertarians would want us to free from regulation. As a behavioral scientist, I have studied how easy it can be to unconsciously influence people's behavior. As the father of 8 and 10 year-old boys, I have yearned for a government that is willing to step in, when necessary, to protect my kids from the harmfulness of our excessive consumerism.

See, guys? Dr. Ubel knows what's best for people, but he can't get what he wants because those bastard libertarians are preventing him from keeping his kids safe! Thank Science that President Obama will listen to Dr. Ubel! With his brains and Obama's might, all suffering will end!

Why, you ask? Because Dr. Ubel has studied people. Not just in surveys, man, but really studied them. He's looked into the abyss of a man's soul and divined the reasons for his actions. He's taken those reasons and weighed them against each other, and Solomon-esquely deigned which reasons are best and what behavior is preferred. All Dr. Ubel lacked was the Sword of the State, but his day has come!

/lastbitofsarcasm.

/really.

Localblogging: NoBo Fire

60 mph winds knocked over a power line earlier today in North Boulder. As far as I know, the fire is mainly in open areas, but they evacuated surrounding homes anyway.

I got about 300 yards away. There was a closer spot, but the cops and 9 news had it on lockdown and wouldn't let any civvies close.

Rob Parker and The Laws of the Market

So, Rob Parker’s a jerk. Who’s Rob Parker? If you don’t know, it’s not worth the time to learn about him, since he’s fading away, anyway.

Here’s the takeaway, though: Parker’s been let go from the Detroit News because he, in one of his bouts of genius, thought it would be “journalist-y” to ask Rod Marinelli, then-coach of the Detroit Lions (who’s son-in-law was an assistant coach), if Marinelli “ever wished [his] daughter married a better defensive coordinator”.



Classless, yada yada, got it. That kind of idiocy happens all the time. But the story of Parker's demise is a good time to look into the mechanisms of his career. Here's the look:

Any paper that has someone like Rob Parker on the staff should be able to fire him/her at any time. But this guy, after his miserable outburst, gets to write a few more columns and have the Newspaper Guild file a grievance on his behalf. (And he's even a picket-line-crosser! Way to stand up for your guys, Guild!)

This guy, who's been an idiot since the mid-90's (at least in a professional capacity), was allowed continue foisting pathetic attempts at controversy on the public through 2008. I don't know anyone who likes the guy, yet he's stayed employed for well over a decade longer than he probably warrants.

See, out here in the internets, people say all kinds of ridiculous crap all the time. What happens? People ignore it. Easy, right? In a purely meritocratic arena, Parker wouldn’t be able to make a single penny off his useless rhetoric. Maybe that's what will happen to him now.

Does that mean Parker's going to starve? Not at all. It means that he, just like every other journalist, will be forced to learn how to produce things that people want. Gone are the days of coasting by on a reputation of productivity, here are the days of reader-centric writing.

It's gonna be fun.

*exhale...*

/preachingtointernetchoir

Editor's note: expect more Death Of A Newspaper obituary stuff over the next day or two.

A New Year

So, I'm back.

10 days off felt like a month. Don't let anyone tell you that the holiday season is just a time for celebration with friends and family: your boy Snowden spent his days uploading so much political philosophy, pop culture, and college football to his brain, he's ready to pop a blood vessel.

So, in the laziest of blogger traditions, I shall start the year with a list of crap I've kept my eye on in the past holy days...

- I think I'm late to this madness, but The Futurist blog is Right-Said Truth. I'm not gonna lie and say that his url doesn't freak me out a little (I'm not quite sure I'm down with The Singularity, and I know I'll be freaking out if it hits us in 2050. I'm only going to be 66 years old then! Given life-expectancy goals, that's like what, an eighth of my life? I want at least 100 years of semi-autonomy!*)

Anyway, he's got a killer post on Iraq. I've had this weird transition in my own view on the war (let's call it anarcho-capitalist brain creep), but those of you out there who've crowed that this war was a "lost cause" need to STFU and read the post. Especially since Your Boy Barack isn't as Cindy-Sheehan as you first thought.

- One of my Poorly Planned Resolutions of the Year 2009 (PPRotY2K9) is that I will Freecycle at least 5 things this year. I'm livin' in Boulder, so you know there's a huge pool of well-maintained-and-sustainable stuff just waiting to be traded. I'll do my best to get in the loop.

- For only being away 10 days, the number of hours I spent just bummin' around Cage Potato is both ridiculous and astounding (ridicu-stounding? astound-ulous?) It's gotta be at least 12 hours.

The upside, though? I have a couple new fighters to follow! To wit, Anthony Johnson and Shinya Aoki. I don't know how I missed Aoki, but any man who fights wearing full-leg tights gets my support and hetero man-crush.

- On the wonky side, I've been reading and re-reading The Rights of Man and essays from Molinari. Don't read 'em if you hate the feeling of indignation or the euphoric joy of comprehension.

- Finally, to let you view some of my daily behavior: I don't watch The Greatest Movie Of The 1990's on its namesake day, rather it's mandatory viewing for me around the beginning of each year. No movie is better at providing the viewer with emotional and philosophical reasons for hope and change. Stop on by here for other readings and discussion on the movie.


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*That little parenthetical rant might be the most-concentrated nerdiness ever written on this blog. I apologize. Don't worry if you only understand 8% of it, that means you lead a healthy and well-balanced life.