Rob Parker and The Laws of the Market

So, Rob Parker’s a jerk. Who’s Rob Parker? If you don’t know, it’s not worth the time to learn about him, since he’s fading away, anyway.

Here’s the takeaway, though: Parker’s been let go from the Detroit News because he, in one of his bouts of genius, thought it would be “journalist-y” to ask Rod Marinelli, then-coach of the Detroit Lions (who’s son-in-law was an assistant coach), if Marinelli “ever wished [his] daughter married a better defensive coordinator”.



Classless, yada yada, got it. That kind of idiocy happens all the time. But the story of Parker's demise is a good time to look into the mechanisms of his career. Here's the look:

Any paper that has someone like Rob Parker on the staff should be able to fire him/her at any time. But this guy, after his miserable outburst, gets to write a few more columns and have the Newspaper Guild file a grievance on his behalf. (And he's even a picket-line-crosser! Way to stand up for your guys, Guild!)

This guy, who's been an idiot since the mid-90's (at least in a professional capacity), was allowed continue foisting pathetic attempts at controversy on the public through 2008. I don't know anyone who likes the guy, yet he's stayed employed for well over a decade longer than he probably warrants.

See, out here in the internets, people say all kinds of ridiculous crap all the time. What happens? People ignore it. Easy, right? In a purely meritocratic arena, Parker wouldn’t be able to make a single penny off his useless rhetoric. Maybe that's what will happen to him now.

Does that mean Parker's going to starve? Not at all. It means that he, just like every other journalist, will be forced to learn how to produce things that people want. Gone are the days of coasting by on a reputation of productivity, here are the days of reader-centric writing.

It's gonna be fun.

*exhale...*

/preachingtointernetchoir

Editor's note: expect more Death Of A Newspaper obituary stuff over the next day or two.