Profiles in Stereotypes

Ripped from the headlines, sadly.

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PHONE RINGS IN CORNER OFFICE OF NEARLY EMPTY NEWSPAPER ROOM. OLDER MAN, MID 60'S, WHO'S SEEN THE BETTER DAYS THIS NEWSFLOOR USED TO HAVE, RESIGNEDLY PICKS UP THE PHONE.


EXEC. EDITOR OF THE BALTIMORE SUN JAMES WHITING: Whiting here.



GOVERNOR OF LOUISIANA, BOBBY JINDAL: Hey, Mr. Whiting, this is Governor Bobby Jindal! How are ya?



Governor Jindal? Really? Wow, sir, I'm fine. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?



Well, Jim, you don't mind if I call you Jim, do you? Anyway, Jim, I was just browsing through my inbox this morning, looking through post-election analysis, and I saw that you're paper was doing a "Future of the GOP" across-the-fold story.



Yessir, yessir. We're mighty proud of it, sir. We think it hits all the bases, is unbiased, and really pops out at the reader. I hope you don't mind that we included you in the discussion, Governor.



I'm honored, Jim, really I am. And the piece, it does pop out at you, I'll give you that. Listen, by any chance do you have a copy of that story in front of you?



Yup, right over here on my desk. [Reaches over, puling the paper open for the first time in weeks] Okay, let me turn to the page...yup, I got it.



[Gov. Jindal, ever the gracious leader, patiently waits for Jim Whiting to realize the error. After about 30 seconds of awkward silence and what sounds like Whiting tucking into a hoagie, Gov. Jindal breaks the silence]



Okay, Jim, I want you to stay with me on this one. At first glance, this piece looks great, I think we could agree.



[swallows hoagie bite and wipes mouth quickly] Well, thanks sir, that means a--



Stay with me Jim, and let me finish. Now if we allow our eyes to wander on down to the bottom right corner of the page, perhaps something will catch your eye.





Sir, I'm not quite sure what you want me to be looking for. Perhaps a hint?



Jim, I know you have a busy life, but if I might ask: have you ever actually seen a picture of me?



[finally sensing something is awry] Well, yes, Governor, of course I have! And, uh, from, uh, looking at this picture, you seem to be, uh, doing very well, sir. Very well. The picture of health, I'd say.



......



Let me ask you another question, Jim. How are things going for you at The Sun? Things going okay?



[looks around, sees two janitors, a sports reporter 80 lbs. overweight playing solitaire, and a secretary reading a Harlequin novel. Lots of empty desks covered with stacks of newspapers]
Well sir, I'm not going to lie to you, we're a little down. However, we made the phrase "More With Less" our buzz term this fiscal year, so we're running a tight ship, but I think our product is none the worse for it. I think you'd agree that this is one fine piece of political journalism, Governor?



[sighs] Well it was good talking with you, Jim. I wish you the best of luck, and when the paper closes, I hope you'll think of Louisiana as a place to relocate to for your second career.



Sir, I don't follow. Oh wait, I have a call on the other line, Governor, I'll be back in a second. Hello?



LISTEN HERE, YOU RACIST SONOFABI--

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