Gee, Thanks For Giving Me Permission To Fly My Flag

Now, imagine yourself a Barack Obama supporter: for 8 long years, you’ve ground your teeth to Chiclet-esque nubs at every crime committed by the Bush Administration. You realize*, however, that the only way for progressive values to grow in popularity is through reaching out to new voters, moderate voters, and disillusioned Republicans. You also realize^ that the stereotype of the Left by others is a whiny, narrow people who at once are incredibly sensitive to the “patriotic” question and are prone to hyperbole, sanctimony, historical amnesia, and vilifying your political opponents.

Now, knowing all that, what kind of website would you want to avoid creating? One that that makes a historically myopic claim? One that is over-the-top gooey about one electoral cycle success? Perhaps one that unintentionally fulfilled the stereotypes of your political movement? Sounds good to me.

Enter myfirstflag.org.

First, let’s reiterate that this isn’t a My First Garden or My First Years kid-centric website. This site is written by an adult, for adults.

With posts like “It’s my flag, too!” and “Why We Should Hang Our First Flag”, the blog is rib-ticklingly stupid. I’ve never seen such a site/blog dedicated to a straw man. As the author writes.

“That's why I'm hanging my flag. I hate that conservatives have owned the symbol. It's my country and my flag, too.”

Riiiight. I remember the Liberals Can’t Have Flags pamphlet I received under my door in 2003, instructing me to compare my neighbors voting record against their lawn decorations, and then encouraged me to "act accordingly". How could I forget?

The site also raises the question: if now it’s okay for Americans to proudly fly the flag, what’s changed? Obama has been an exemplary model of third-term-Bush so far. Furthermore, isn’t “hiding behind the flag” wrong, not just once, but for all time? Of course, we know the answer: the only thing that’s changed is the president’s party affiliation and the ineffable fuzzies-n-tingles his followers have gotten from his speeches. And, may I say, if that’s all it takes to make the national emblem a palatable sight again, I’m pretty sure I know which group’s really politicizing the flag.

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*In theory. Most progressives delude themselves into thinking people are already progressive and that disenfranchisement , social inequalities, and American Idol re-runs (that are all part of the Jewish-Catholic-Bible Belt-Mormon-Gordon Gekko-Amerikkka cabal/bookclub) are put in place to thwart the collective will. Little did they know that their conspiracy is, in fact, itself a conspiracy propagated by the lizard-people who have ruled the world posing as the British royal family. I wish I was making this up. My, how I do love the internets.

^ In theory (again). Lots of progressives think other people think they are merely optimistic dreamers who, goshdarnit, just have great hearts and simply care too much. They also think that they are cool by proxy since they share George Clooney and Woody Harrelson’s views on gay marriage.